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| The 2 weeks vacation was soooo short. I feel like killing myself. It's so hard to keep up with everything, especially when the start of the new school term has just begun. Honestly, even after the short break I still feel stressed out. Not that you want to hear me start ranting about why. It'll be long and pathetic. Sigh. Anyway, do wish everything would at least be a bit better. But of course, when school starts, what would be better? Sure you get to meet friends... but what friends do I have? They're mostly online. lol.
I'm down in the dumps at the moment. Even the thought of my birthday the day after tomorrow isn't cheering me up. Before I start to ramble of how long and pathetic my day has been I better go off. xD Later. <3
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| Exams, exams exams.
Nu uh. Not gonna rant about exams this time. Cause it's over! Wooo! Yes, in case if you haven't noticed, I've been uh... "away" for quite sometime cause of exams. I've still got 2 more subjects to go, which doesn't really make it over for me, but hey! At least the compulsories are over. c[; I feel happy. Haha.
Buuut, now that I look at it, I'm not really psyched about the two weeks of vacation. One, because I can barely - perhaps even won't - meet my friends. And two, cause I'm not so sure this time the vacation will be superb. I may be going to Genting Highlands for the third time this year but eh, who knows. Mum always wants to go back to the village. With what my grandparents are going to be back from Mekah (Mecca) soon and all.
Hm. Prince Caspian is out. I've been waiting for like a year for it to come out and now that it has, I can't watch it cause yet again, exams. My dad is planning to take my family and I out to watch it during the holidays after he gets back from overseas. Maybe I could ask him if I could bring my BFF's along. I hate the fact that most good movies comes out in the middle of the year. But I guess it's not that all bad, considering my birthday is coming soon. (Yay me!)
Oh, now that I've mention it. I'm probably going to do a birthday party. Hey! I can't be sixteen every year. Hehe. I was thinking of wanting a guitar or a piano. Preferably the guitar. But maybe I should get a phone. And iPhone. Chyeah! Totally want that. =D I also wanted a perfume, but I guess someone is perhaps nice enough to give me it. (Not gonna mention who though ;p)
Oh, look at the sky. All dark and gloomy. >< I guess I see you all in my next post! xx <3
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| Well I'm back, obviously. The week off felt like nothing, and I'm still a bit stressed out. But so far I've caught up with my studies a little so at least it wasn't a waste. I'm thinking of going to a major month off of the internet, but yeah... we'll see. My guild in Gaia has been nuked yesterday, so I as the Captain of the Marine branch in the guild, just can't let those Marines down. I may just come on everyday, check up on things, post once and leave. Well either way, I'm trying to enjoy life as it is, while fighting off my sickness (now for those of you who are wondering what my sickness is, I have asthma. Nothing chronic as of yet since my last asthma attack in 4th grade landed me in an ICU ward.)
I don't think I'll be touching on the subject related to school since I already sound like a school nerd for practically almost the last few posts. Heh. Anyway, I just watched a few episodes of the Oprah show and it was all about this Doctor, who's called Dr. Oz. He's quite amazing, as far as I can tell by the way that Oprah talks about him and with him and so on. But why, I wouldn't really know. I just watched for a while then when the commercial starts I'd switch the channel to find another program that I like to watch ending up forgetting about the one before it. xD It's a specialty of mine. lol. But after I hear him talking about the human body and things, it had poked my inner side of wanting to be a diagnostician when I go further my studies. It's really irritating and can be quite frustrating at times of how you have made a decision that caused you to throw the other one (heavy heartedly of course), and then something came up and just nudges that other choice in you that you threw away. Sure it's all about your determination, but sometimes you just can't be too sure of one choice, thinking which will be better for you.
But I'm in science stream, and I've still yet to take my SPM so making a decision of which branch to go isn't really a really permanent decision that can affect the rest of your life. There's still a year and a half plus more to go, including the vacations, of course. So hopefully in that time I can decide on which branch I should take. So far things are looking at a brighter side for me on Arts, since I'm a person who likes freedom and basically Arts is mostly freedom and it doesn't need you to care about other people. Oh oh aaand, you can do it wherever you want, whenever you want.Take painting for example, sometimes when you gotta go to someplace else just to find a little bit of inspiration, then you just gotta go. And dancing, and signing and making music. Unless you're in those philharmonics, then you would have to do a lot of practice and must have a little discipline in your life. But that's nothing, really. If you know your music then you're good to go, no?
Oh and speaking about SPM, I can either take or drop English in Science and Technology (EST) for next year. Honestly, I don't want to take it. But when I told my dad about it, I said... "What's the point of taking it if it is easy and you don't need it for your work? I don't see the point of learning it either. It's easy, and all you do is learn the same thing you learn English. I would rather take Accounting rather than taking EST." Then he replied, "The point is different, Sarah. You may never know if you need it or not in your future life. If you say it is easy, then what's wrong with an extra A in your SPM certificate?" It sorta hit me hard since what he said is relatively quite true... (he always wins in these sort of things. Grr.) Then I'm back at making decisions again. Sigh. I can barely handle the things already in hand, why should I be thinking about this anyway? Oh that's right. The teacher wants to know if you want to take the subject for next year or not.
Well someday you're going to realize that in the end of the day, you just want to enjoy life as it is, while you can.
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| I'm taking a week off from the internet. I'm not suppose to go online since 3 pm yesterday, but it's just that addictive. But not like I'm doing anything online. Just finding some pictures of the head of a violin and guitar for Arts to draw. I've got plenty. But I haven't got to the "taking my pencil and start drawing" part yet. Haha. I'm such a lazy arse. I seriously need to get off this chair that has meet my pretty little bum since... ever and get started on finishing all of the homeworks that I delayed since the beginning of the year. I've found that if I start delaying one thing, I'll delay every other thing that comes after it. And it's gotten the better of me until now.(No duhhh Sarah. >>) Shut up other person of me. .... Aaaanyway, yesterday me and Avey was trying to finish our Add Maths assignment our teacher gave us and I was struggling very hard to answer the questions and today, our Chemistry teacher gave us homeworks and I couldn't calculate ANYTHING! I don't understand a single thing except the ones in front. Only until the RAM part. Ugh man, I'm getting stupider. Hate me. Grr.
The only subject I can concentrate on is English, English Literature and of course, Arts. I mean come on! Out of 12 subjects these three are the only ones that I can actually bare. I was like going on and off slump mode today. Without realizing it I was practically shouting saying that "I can't do this!". Avey will know what I'm talking about. I know that successful people work hard, so in order for me to become successful I need to work hard too. I just reaaally wish my parents won't push me so hard. I'm trying 100% as hard as I could but the harder I try, the harder they push. And the harder the subject will be for me. Is it so hard just to give me a little pat on the back and say... "Keep up the good work." It's only FIVE itsy bitsy word. And a little pat. It's not like I want them to give me a big extravagant reward just for my determination, though that'd be nice. And I know they want the best for me, prepping me up for when I get a job. Frank had said to me that some bosses are even meaner and nastier and such. Hah. And I said to him... "at least you're getting paid". I don't like my parents pushing me to study a subject that I don't like and that we don't need that subject for our future job.
Just in case, my mother said. Yeah, just in case. If I'm not mistaken. she was also the one who mentioned that it's better to take subjects that you know you can handle, and get all A's for that instead of a few B's and C's and Fails for the subject that you can't. *sigh* I'm sooo confused.
Rachel is coming tomorrow and hopefully with her guitar. I am sooooo psyched! I've learned from Avey who learned from our Islamic Studies teacher that if you want to play for your self benefit and singing a few lines in between then it really is fine. Hm... now I wonder whom to listen to.
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| I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Life's been throwing crap at me like well, you know the whole shabang. So I've discovered something lately, and it's not really good, if you think that it is so. Now before you all join forces together to become one angry mob and come to bash me in the head with a giant plushie hammer... let me first just say what I want to say only then you can do that while I run, mmkay?
Ehm... okay so, well... due to the recent happenings in my life, which I really really really don't want to talk about... I hate science. Not like "I literally hate science that made our life as it is now and if it was ever a living thing I would have stabbed it once in the heart and leave it to DIEEE," sort of hate. It's more of a... "I hate learning it." It's fine at times, and it's not really all that bad, once I put my attention in those particular subject adding a few supportive words from my parents and have a good teacher teaching me. Well not that Puan Jaspal sucks. No, not at all. She is a really great teacher though I'm not interested in chemistry in any particular way. But as for the rest of the science teachers, well they are... oh for the lack of words, boring. I can barely stand their English (which is quite funny yet understandable), they teach us too fast, and they don't teach like they're teaching for the whole class. It's like they only talk for the whole class but meant it just for the ones in front ones. I know this may sound a bit too selfish and quite stupid really, but it does. Some of them just like to accuse us blindly without investigating the story behind it. I would even put my mother in this category if she wasn't my own mother. Not that I want to put her or anyone in it anyway. It is sad, yes, but it's the naked truth. Oh dear God. What will this world turn into?
Anyway, back to my main point for writing this. I dislike being in science stream, I dislike most of the teachers and most of all, I dislike my mother for bashing me because of something that I don't like. And making my father involve himself in it. No, I would not change my stream option, just because of my mother nagging on about how stupid I am or whatever in the blue world she is talking about. Nor because of one stupid, lousy subject that I FAILED in. No. But my dream for wanting to pursuit in Medical or anything related to science just might as well going to be a big bag full of rubbish. It's unfair for me to quit it and take economics, which I think I will never do, judging by the people who's been thrown in it. And for your information people, they are not failures. They just fail because they want to be. We make choices. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it's the best for us in other people's point of view, aka my mother... even if the 'mothers knows best' theory is mostly true. And sometimes we've got to take chances by making our own choice, even if it's a 25% chance of us succeeding. Because it is our call. Our very own decision to make what is best for us. Yes, our parents are just concerned and wants us to do well in life and get all the advantage they never had and blah blah blah. Honestly I just like the new version of the parents where they respect our decision but still give a damn about us. Yeah, I know they have every right to make choices for us now until we reach the age of 18 (or married really), but it really irks me so knowing that whatever I say they just push it away to the side and throw it in the 'forget she ever said this' bin, like it's the worst thing they have ever heard in their whole entire life.
Wow. It seems that my rant to my posting a new blog is better than my rant to my friends. Maybe that's just because it doesn't reply to me and that I can type as long as I want in it. Haha. "So what are you going to do in life then, if you're not going to be a Diagnostician one day?" Well... my job ambition was once to be a Diagnostician while taking Graphic Designing as a part time job. Steve, or Navy for short in gaia, had once suggested to me to do my Medical job in graphic designing. Like... "if you see in the gorgeous blend I've made here, I am sorry to say that you have kidney failure" or something of the sort. Hahaha. He cracked me up with that. Yeah... so well, I love anything that has to do with Arts. Singing, dancing, playing music, writing, drawing... anything. I've just watched the movie 'August Rush' for the fifth time today, and apparently, it is the one that inspired me typing this blog right now. The plot is kind of twisted, but oh my dear GOD!!! The... the music is just FANTASTIC! Even if it's just an improvised piece of work, but well... either way it's just that good to go to a fangirlish mode. Especially over Freddie Highmore and Jonathan Rys Meyers. ..... *runs around fangirlishly screaming "Freddie Highmore" and "Jonathan Rys Meyers* Heheeee. ;D
Anyway, I'm going to change the topic for now. I still have a lot more to rant and ramble about it but I'm just gonna let it slide, ja noe? xD Well have you ever heard of the song When You Look Me In The Eyes, by the Jonas Brothers? No? Yes? Oh well. So there's this one day when I was talking to Avey. She wanted me to send her some songs. And there's a part of it that went something like...
me; ever heard of the song when you loo me in the eyes by the jonas brothers?
avey; no. is it nice?
me; kindof. it's kind of soppeh.
me; omgomgomgomggggg
me; look**
me; ew. that'd be nasty.
avey; HAAHAHAHAHAHA
avey; when you LOO me in the EYES.
avey; HAHAHAH. LOLZ.
me; hahahhaa.
so yeah... that's all for today. Later gater. <3
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